Posts by Marisa:

Yoplait Original Cosmopolitan-Flavored Yogurt

Written on June 17th, 2013 by
Categories: Food
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It’s 5pm somewhere.

Product: Yoplait Original Cosmopolitan-Flavored Yogurt
Purchased at: Grocery Outlet (North Tacoma/6th Ave.)
Price: $1.99

*The following conversation may be fictionalized for dramatic effect*

Recently, my significant other asked me how he could get me to write again (coincidentally in the grocery store aisle). Sensing a bribe approaching, I replied:

“Darling, make me quit my 9-to-5 overtime-eligible job and I swear to you, I will write twenty new blog posts a day, on topics I have yet to determine at this time.”

“We can’t have that unfortunately, sweetheart. We’ve got bills to pay, a spoiled cat to feed and blogging just doesn’t put food on the table. Unless you count the food you review, that is.”

I grabbed an unsuspecting item from the dairy case, whipped my hair around in a fashion that L’Oreal (because I’m worth it) commercials would envy, and proclaimed, “This. This is the product that will rejuvenate my semi-humorous, grammatically incorrect food blogging career.”

And this, ladies and gentleman, is that product.

Yoplait has a history of making yogurt flavors for women that are decadent/sinful/what have you but they love to brag about how good they are or they they’re losing weight eating it (you know that one, I can’t find it on YouTube at the moment). Apparently, it also prevents you for binging and purging. I did a marketing project in college dealing with yogurt advertising tailored towards women so I thrive in this stuff. On with the review.

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I grow mint in my backyard specifically for this reason.

Since this is a limited edition product that came from a clearance grocery store, of course it ended up being the only one there. Research (Googling the product name) shows that there’s also a Pina Colada variety, somewhere out there in the grocery store wild. Apologies, no Jagermeister Yoplait for your alcohol enthusiasts.

Mind you, there’s not actually any alcohol in this yogurt, but who wants cranberry lime yogurt when you can have Cosmopolitan flavor? AM I RIGHT, LADIES? Today’s product proves women can be wild and eat all the pink colored dairy product they want and still keep their figure.

Side note: I love reading food marketing press releases. They’re generally pretty cheezy and I try to imagine a really enthusiastic pitchman (or in this case, probably a pitchwomen) reading this glurge.

The yogurt is a tangy, tart oversweetened item. I mistakenly threw away the container that listed the ingredients so I’m unsure what gives it the alcohol-esque pucker so if someone could let me know the chemistry of alcohol flavored yogurt that would be awesome. I only ate a spoonful of one of the containers that came in my four-pack so I didn’t get the best value out of my yogurt purchase. Also I didn’t count the seltzer water I swished around in my mouth to get the flavor out.

Please women of the world, just drink a Cosmo instead of scooping up this saccharin spatter.

Our Exciting Trip to Southern Ohio

Written on January 21st, 2013 by
Categories: Food

We visited southern Ohio (Cincinnati suburb region) late last year and decided to take advantage of the regional food fare. While we were there for an extended weekend visiting Ben’s family, we subjected ourselves to trying the local chain restaurants such as Bob Evans, Quaker Steak, and other restaurants dealing with country life and large amounts of gravy.

White Castle

While I had never previously…”experienced” White Castle, Ben’s been there a handful of times when he’s been to Ohio before. To be honest, I didn’t have high exceptions for a chain that sells its burgers in packs of 10, 20, 40, probably 100 if you asked politely enough. While I have also not had the opportunity to view the entirety of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (or any of its delightful sequels), now I know why one would crave these when they’re…intoxicated. Guess which state(s) recently passed marijuana legalization laws? White Castle – here’s your golden opportunity. *wink wink*

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Your insides will hate you.

We ended up going twice in our short stay, spurred by an impromptu late-right visit, this time for waffle-cut sweet potato fries accompanied by “Pecan Marshmallow Flavored Syrup” (pictured below) and “Chipotle Ranch” sauce (not pictured, but far more tolerable). Keep in mind, White Castle fries come in “sacks”, instead of “bags” or “cardboard sleeves” so we grabbed a huge sack before we drove to Cincinnati, drove through part of Indiana and swung by the Creation Museum in Kentucky at 2am to snap a photo.

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You can never have too much artificial pecan and marshmallow flavoring.

Chick-Fil-A

I had Chick-Fil-A back in August 2009 while in Maryland before the same-sex marriage comments controversy. Since they’re closed on Sundays, we stopped the first day so Ben could say he’s tried it (turns out the one at the airport was open Sunday anyway, so we went again before the flight home). I don’t really think their food is anything special (though I like the idea of non-breaded chicken nuggets) but more the novelty idea of cow-based advertising and a menu centered solely of chicken-based items. I even got a comic book in my kids’ meal – the “Amazing Cow Heroes, DeciBell and Cowmeleon”.

I got a kiddy meal.

I got a kiddy meal.

Skyline Chili

I’ve traditionally heard that chili in Ohio was a bit different that what we’d traditionally eat on the West Coast. While some people fight if real chili should have beans or not, at Skyline Chili, it’s more of a sauce, served over hot dogs, spaghetti and covered in (my estimation) several cups of shredded cheddar cheese (Wikipedia article for some reading material). I opted for a “Greek salad” (load of Feta cheese included), Ben was game for two skimpy hot dogs floating in a soupy bath of chili and hidden under a hay bale of cheese.

More cheese please.

More cheese please.

Jungle Jim’s

No, not a playground equipment retailer, but a “Trader Joe’s on crack” as we came to call it after our first trip (another place we ended up going to multiple times). From the outside, Jungle Jim’s is a sprawling store, complete with a fake monorail surrounded by animal statues. This place is so big that there’s a map for each section and the site recommends “We recommend spending anywhere from 2-4 hours on your first visit“.

There are sections for “American” grocery items, produce, beer & wine, even a section devoted entirely to hot sauces, but first we hit the International section. It featured individual aisles ranging from Asian, Eastern European, European (which subdivided into German, British, etc.) and a small section for Australian goods with the obligatory stuffed koala bears. Not to mention the hookah and loose tobacco section.

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I also couldn’t help but notice that Jungle Jim (dressed as a wizard) looked suspiciously like a certain character of a certain comedic sitcom currently on hiatus:

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All in all, a nice, fairly stress-free trip, however not sure it was worth the 5-10 lbs. of extra “carry on luggage” I gained while trying all the greasy, deep-fried fare.

Sea20 Energy Drink

Written on October 15th, 2012 by
Categories: Drinks

Product: Sea2O Organic Energy Drink (don’t forget to disable the audio)
Purchased at: Big Lots (University Place)
Price:
40 cents (20% off the normal 50 cents)

Truth be told, writing reviews for beverages is always a challenge for me. Beverages can be easily divided into broad categories: alcoholic/non-alcoholic, fizzy/flat, sweet/neutral and of course, delicious/disgusting – which in turn provides little challenge for a review. At any given time, I generally have a collection of cans and bottles gathering dust on our shelves because they have nothing noticeable or extraordinary about them (I’ve since curbed my “buying-drinks-specifically-for-Clearance-Cuisine” habit). In fact, today’s product was purchased at least six months ago, but it’s still good. Still good.

When I buy a product for the site, I always try to pick things that err on the side of ridiculous, whether it’s a quirky ingredient, stupid slogan and/or mascot or a terrible Flash-based website that’s straight from the 90s. In this case, today’s feature drew me in because: the word “SEA” in the name (the sea is delicious, no?) and the concept of a non-caffeine based energy drink. After flipping the can around, I learned it also has ~organic seaweed extract~ which sealed the deal for me.

Sea2O is based locally in Bellevue, WA but I found the drink locally at Big Lots, a stark change from its suggested retail locations like Whole Foods and Metropolitan Market. The can used the word “Organic” probably around twenty times, but I lost count by the time opened the can. While I have no qualms about organic ingredients, once enough is fine for me thx.

The drink is very similar to the Capri Sun pouch drinks I grew up drinking as a kid, probably due to the sweetener (agave nectar). Though it’s touted as an energy drink, I’m of the mindset that anything you add enough sugar to, whether it be table sugar, HFCS, agave and what have you, can become energized (new marketing idea: pixi sticks as energy powder). For those asking if the drink was salty or fishy, I’m happy to confirm that there’s no seaweed taste or essence, since seaweed extract is added as opposed to the nori you’re used to wrapping around your sushi.

That said, I’ll stick to my artificially sweetened, caffeine saturated energy drinks.