Product: efusjon Enery Drinks
Purchased at: Grocery Outlet
It’s been hot in Western Washington this past weekend. I don’t mean “Death Valley Hot” or even “California Hot”, but “Washington State Hot where it breaks 80 degrees and everyone goes insane [impulse air conditioner purchase optional]“. You can also see the dictionary entry for “Washington State Cold” where 1-2 inches of snow will fall with the same hysterics.
This behavior tends to lead to disorientation, migraines and the rationale that swimming at public parks and beaches is a good idea. In fact, I’m writing this review under a crippling headache, most likely causing by dehydration that I’m ambivalent to treat.
Nevertheless, I proceeded to raid my fridge. Water obviously wouldn’t do in a dire situation like this. Luckily, I happen to have three cans of a generic energy drink that I picked up on a whim and never reviewed. I hesitate to include that I say that I bought them over a year ago and they’ve just been chillin’ this whole time (literally). Honestly, I dislike reviewing energy drinks because unless they have a wacky label or horrible spokeperson, what’s the point?
Like I always do, I fired up Google and typed the name ‘efusjon’ into the search bar. Besides the product page, two words (well, one is an acronym) catch my attention: “scam” and “MLM” (apparently the politically correct term is “network marketing” now). Turns I’ve stumbled upon the last artifacts of a long, lost MLM scheme. Now I know how archaeologists feel.
Here’s a rough timeline:
Fall 2010 – direct sales of efusjon cease sometime in 2012 – Marisa purchases efusjon from a unknown Grocery Outlet (memory fails her)
June 2013 – Marisa drinks vintage product (best buy dates on the cans circa Spring 2011)
Three varieties stood before me: Raw (the caffeine free version with acai berry), Breeze (with mangosteen, the bright yellow one. You know what it looks like.) and Edge (caffeinated version with acai berry).
The Raw was definitely my favorite of the group, though the name and taste reminded me of something you’d pick up at a natural foods store. It had an overwhelming “berry” taste and not much carbonation at all (none of the drinks did) so it was much more like a juice. The Edge flavor was pretty much a copy of the Raw, but with a more chemically taste (I would assume because of the caffeine and other things added). BevNet also has a good rundown on the two flavors.
My least favorite was the Mangosteen flavor (“Breeze”). Aside from looking vaguely like urine, the flavor was slightly acrid, tangy and really not applicable to something called “Breeze”. I can’t comment on the energy effects since I only took a sip of each one. They actually have low sugar, but I’m trying to get rid of this tummy I have.
That being said, you’d probably be hard pressed to find these even if you did want to try one. Since sales stopped in 2010, maybe some MLM team leader has a bunch stashed in his garage. I feel a bit guilty now…I just drank a drink antique.