Drinks

Sea20 Energy Drink

2 comments Written on October 15th, 2012 by
Categories: Drinks
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Product: Sea2O Organic Energy Drink (don’t forget to disable the audio)
Purchased at: Big Lots (University Place)
Price:
40 cents (20% off the normal 50 cents)

Truth be told, writing reviews for beverages is always a challenge for me. Beverages can be easily divided into broad categories: alcoholic/non-alcoholic, fizzy/flat, sweet/neutral and of course, delicious/disgusting – which in turn provides little challenge for a review. At any given time, I generally have a collection of cans and bottles gathering dust on our shelves because they have nothing noticeable or extraordinary about them (I’ve since curbed my “buying-drinks-specifically-for-Clearance-Cuisine” habit). In fact, today’s product was purchased at least six months ago, but it’s still good. Still good.

When I buy a product for the site, I always try to pick things that err on the side of ridiculous, whether it’s a quirky ingredient, stupid slogan and/or mascot or a terrible Flash-based website that’s straight from the 90s. In this case, today’s feature drew me in because: the word “SEA” in the name (the sea is delicious, no?) and the concept of a non-caffeine based energy drink. After flipping the can around, I learned it also has ~organic seaweed extract~ which sealed the deal for me.

Sea2O is based locally in Bellevue, WA but I found the drink locally at Big Lots, a stark change from its suggested retail locations like Whole Foods and Metropolitan Market. The can used the word “Organic” probably around twenty times, but I lost count by the time opened the can. While I have no qualms about organic ingredients, once enough is fine for me thx.

The drink is very similar to the Capri Sun pouch drinks I grew up drinking as a kid, probably due to the sweetener (agave nectar). Though it’s touted as an energy drink, I’m of the mindset that anything you add enough sugar to, whether it be table sugar, HFCS, agave and what have you, can become energized (new marketing idea: pixi sticks as energy powder). For those asking if the drink was salty or fishy, I’m happy to confirm that there’s no seaweed taste or essence, since seaweed extract is added as opposed to the nori you’re used to wrapping around your sushi.

That said, I’ll stick to my artificially sweetened, caffeine saturated energy drinks.

Vino Solo

2 comments Written on September 20th, 2012 by
Categories: Drinks
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Product: Vino Solo (2008 Cabernet Merlot, Petit Verdot)
Purchased at: Grocery Outlet (North Tacoma/6th Ave.)
Price:
$0.99

I’m writing this post at 2am because nighttime is the right time to write blog posts. Not the mention the bars right below my apartment start closing and the bleary-eyed, yelling-prone tipsy patrons start filtering into the alley just thirty feet below my window. Nothing like the smell of cheap cigarette smoke and drunken yells to lull your from a blissful, dream-filled sleep.

But I digress; I’m not bitter. In fact, one of the only reality shows I actually enjoy started back up again last Friday: Shark Tank. I’ll spare you the details about the premise (it’s like Dragons’ Den, for you international readers) since Wikipedia does a good job explaining. It’s my little dose of ABC television-produced schadenfreude – because what reader wouldn’t get a guilty chuckle from an “inventor” that says they’ve invested their life savings in a pillow for woman with breast implants or a product lineup for “cougars” (no, not the animal). Or if you’re looking for amusement, look up a little game called “BulletBall”.

One of the most infamous entrepreneurs is a guy who’s come back asking for money twice – for his single serve plastic wine cups with peel back foil tops.  Every time I saw a clip of him, I would eye my little plastic bottle of Vino Solo that’s been sitting on our shelf for probably about six months now. Why drink a single serve glass when you can drink the whole darn (little) bottle? I decided to test the bottle out last weekend.

According to the paper label, Vino Solo is “South Eastern Australian Wine” composed of “52% Cabernet Sauvignon, 42% Merlot [and] 6% Petit Verdot” or in my language “Cheap Red Wine” (it’s 13.5% alcohol by volume). Tangentially related, here is a reference image describing myself for your viewing pleasure:

The wine surprisingly isn’t offensive for a plastic bottled petit, just a bit mediocre (this coming from a strictly occasional Two Buck Chuck drinker). I don’t really see the practicality of drinking a single serve wine, though the argument of drinking one glass of wine and let the rest go bad always seems to come up. However, which is more depressing – having the remainder of a bottle spoil or drinking cheap red wine alone out of a glorified Solo Cup?

Jackie Chan’s XGT (Xtra Green Tea) Drink Mix

No Comments » Written on September 10th, 2012 by
Categories: Drinks
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“He likes it! Hey Jackie!”

Product: Jackie Chan’s XtraGreen Tea Drink Mix
Purchased at: Found by Ben…somewhere
Price: FREE

What happened to you, Jackie Chan? You used to be uber-cool. I remember watching you in the poorly dubbed film: Rumble in the Bronx: on TV in the 1990s, and despite the over-dramatic annoying female voice acting, it was an overall enjoyable flick.

Nowadays kids grow up with “The Spy Next Door” and “The Jackie Chan Adventures” and miss out on glorious direct-from-Hong Kong action films with no plot or acting to speak of, but Jackie’s well-intentioned grin and kicks to the face. So maybe it was nostalgia, curiosity or just because it was pretty weird that made me try today’s product. Hell, Steven Seagal has his own “energy drink” so why can’t Jackie Chan?

The artificially sweetened lemon flavored iced tea powder comes packaged in the oh-so-convenient plastic tube-pouches that are oh-so-trendy these days for single serving diet tea drinks. The powder isn’t brown like Nestea or matcha green as one would expect green tea to be, but a grainy yellowish brown that plopped to the bottom of my handy blender bottle.

While I don’t normally like artificially sweetened green tea (I prefer it plain/hot or cold), I shook up the bottle with some Tacoma tap water and took a swig. Taking one for the team, right? (generally the motto of our website) The concoction was not undrinkable, but a cloying mixed of faux lemon, whatever additives are added for “energy” and that classic Splenda twang. The drink doesn’t have a terribly appealing color, which is probably why most energy drinks choose to come it a totally blacked out aluminum can.

Which celebrity should endorse an instant artificially sweetened iced tea mix? It’s not Jackie Chan.

Also, Jackie Chan, I see like so many aged, overweight women on social media sites, you’re also using an outdated profile pic that doesn’t accurately represent your current physical shape. However your Google+ stream brought a much needed smile to my face. Especially after drinking your green tea mix.

Come back next week when I’ve probably received a cease-and-desist letter from Jackie Chan’s agent!

Bonus: The product page for Jackie’s iced tea also features interpretations of the Chinese Zodiac symbols:

Eff you, rabbits.

“Possibly when you are using a whip and chair on them.”