Food

Slim Jim Dare Beef Jerky

No Comments » Written on June 24th, 2013 by
Categories: Food
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Slim-jim-dare-8727Although inspired in part by a true incident, the following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.

Obligatory sound effect to put you in the mood

TRIAL PART 33
MONDAY, JUNE 23

(Courtroom. Judge is presiding. Attorney is presenting.)

Attorney:
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I’m here today to present the case that this dried meat product violated my client’s right to choose her food blog review candidates and in fact, dared her to try it.

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Yoplait Original Cosmopolitan-Flavored Yogurt

1 Comment » Written on June 17th, 2013 by
Categories: Food
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Yoplait-Crantini-Martini-Yogurt-8371

*The following conversation may be fictionalized for dramatic effect*

Recently, my significant other asked me how he could get me to write again (coincidentally in the grocery store aisle). Sensing a bribe approaching, I replied:

“Darling, make me quit my 9-to-5 overtime-eligible job and I swear to you, I will write twenty new blog posts a day, on topics I have yet to determine at this time.”

“We can’t have that unfortunately, sweetheart. We’ve got bills to pay, a spoiled cat to feed and blogging just doesn’t put food on the table. Unless you count the food you review, that is.”

I grabbed an unsuspecting item from the dairy case, whipped my hair around in a fashion that L’Oreal (because I’m worth it) commercials would envy, and proclaimed, “This. This is the product that will rejuvenate my semi-humorous, grammatically incorrect food blogging career.”

And this, ladies and gentleman, is that product.

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Big Island Candies Corn Chip Crunch Bar

2 comments Written on April 19th, 2012 by
Categories: Food
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Big-Island-Candies-Chocolate-Covered-Bars-Corn-Chip-Crunch01Even though Hawaii is the 13th best travel destination in the world according to “Traveleye.com” (which apparently has such an eye for travel that they ranked Orlando, Florida number on the list), I’ve never been there, partly due to the fact that I am a shut-in whose alabaster skin crisps like bacon at even the faintest hint of sunlight. Nevertheless, as a food adventurer, I’m always looking to broaden my culinary horizons and venture across the Pacific to my neighbors in the west. It’s perfect for today’s product, a chocolate treat that Ben picked up from work

I started where any typical American tourist would go: The FAQ page of the Hawaii Tourism Authority website. Read the rest of this entry »

Biscoff Spread

9 comments Written on April 10th, 2012 by
Categories: Food
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America is all about recreating food into the most easily eatable forms. May I draw your attention to Easy Cheese, Wrigley’s Extra Dessert Delights Gum and of course, KFC’s Double Down. However, the product I’ll be reviewing this weekend is a little red-lidded jar that comes to us all the way from Belgium. Spoiler Alert: This, my friends, is creamy sugary delicious in spread form (no offense Nutella). This is Biscoff Cookie Spread.

As many products that originate in foreign lands, I was initially unaware of what Biscoff actually was before purchasing this product. They’re a small cookie that features sweet blend of cinnamon and caramel flavor that are great with coffee and let you sip and extend your pinky in proper sipping fashion. Now take that a step further: this spread is literally pulverized cookies in spreadable form so you can forget about even using those jaw muscles you have and the arduous task of eating cookies one bite at a time. The label/jar even suggest the truly outrageous idea of dipping a Biscoff cookie into Biscoff spread for a Biscoff explosion of flavor. Read the rest of this entry »

Snap-N-Glow Pops

No Comments » Written on April 5th, 2012 by
Categories: Food
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Meh, I ingest enough chemicals as it is.

Ah, novelty sweets – not so much about the candy but the plastic/colorized/motorized container it’s in. From the ever illustrious Ring Pop to the classic Batman spin pop (because what’s more intimidating that the Dark Knight with a giant pink lollipop whirling around above his head), you’re essentially paying for the packaging over the pop. Hence, I had no qualms over dropped 50 cents on a set of suckers that are literally supported by a plastic tube filled with glowing chemicals. Read the rest of this entry »