Eight Reasons You Shouldn’t Rely on Me for Food Reviews (in no particular order)
1. I regularly eat unsweetened baker’s chocolate as a snack. I’m actually gnawing on a piece as I write this now. I wish it was as cheap as Hershey’s.
2. I really can’t tell the difference between fine wine and a five buck bottle. Granted I generally just drink $3 chuck or wine people randomly give me as gifts.
3. I didn’t start eating cheese until recently. I still have this weird thing where I usually won’t eat it unless it’s melted (though that’s slowly changing). I’ll move up from cheese sticks eventually. However, I’m slowly regretting going on the Tillamook Cheese factory tour last year and not trying any of the samples.
4. Apparently the average person doesn’t seem to enjoy the strong aroma of garlic 24/7 or eating bowl after bowl of kimchi.
5. I can’t get enough broccoli – only the bushy tops though. I’m George H.W. Bush’s worst nightmare.
6. I’ll never turn down a chance to eat a heaping spoonful of full-fat cream cheese.
7. Sent me all of your fruitcake. All of it. Please do not toss it (with a catapult or into the garbage) or use it as a doorstop.
8. I’d rather roast a pumpkin and eat its guts than carve a face into one.
9. I generally take my coffee black, whether from Starbucks, a local shop or instant at home. It always needs cinnamon though.
10. I ate a dollar “steak” last night (for science). It was literally purchased at the dollar store. I will say no more.
I think it’s difficult to relay a sense of humor or sarcasm when writing a blog about food. No sooner can you write about how succulent and mouth-watering a warm brown sugar Pop Tart is that someone comments that they’re loaded with trans fat or Pillsbury Toaster Strudels are better. Instead, people should compare it to the fine vintage flavor of a limited edition Gingerbread variety or the seasonal Pumpkin Pie flavor. The world needs more serious Pop Tart related discussions (did you know unfrosted Pop Tarts are vegan?).