As a child, I astounded friends and family with my imaginative yet structurally sound architectural mealtime creations. From gothic carrot cathedrals with bratwurst buttresses to Frank Gehry-inspired Jell-O bricks, I almost won the award for masterpiece for “Most Creative Blob” but it was upsettingly passed over for the Experience Music Project building. Nowadays I keep my building talents to myself, especially in polite company who may not appreciate my natural gift, though I long for the days when I can bust out my spoon and craft the next edible Washington Monument or Cascades mountain range (Richard Dreyfuss ain’t got nothin’ on me).
Sadly, as I grow older, my inherent eye for spotting building materials on my plate is slowly fading and my broccoli looks more and more like a vegetable instead of trees for my dinner dioramas. Pretzels are now baked salty sticks instead of sturdy pines for my little log cabins.
Thank goodness Smucker’s introduced Plate Scapers, a tool for my land…er…platescaping needs and packaged in a convenient squeeze bottle as well! Never would I have considered an edible white goo as part of my building plans (unless you count Elmer’s glue as edible). I’ve actually had this stuff on hand for a while now, but was mulling over what exactly I would use it for. Would you believe Grocery Outlet had a giant cart full of bottles, only for 10 cents?
In addition to Vanilla flavor, Plate Scapers also come in Caramel, Chocolate, Chocolate Fudge, Lime, Raspberry and Strawberry. Never would I have spent $10 per tube of paint in college if I knew I could get all my colors from Smucker’s and eat them too.
However, if a quick Google Search is any indication, the general population thinks this product’s name is “Plate Scrapers” (about 378,000,000 results) instead of “Plate Scapers” (about 11,700 results – “Did you mean: smuckers plate scrapers”) prompting me to think that people assume that swirling around sweetened goo on your plate with your regular slop make it that much more appealing and delicious, literally causing you to scrape it all into your mouth.
Unfortunately, Smucker’s was not available to comment on this naming snafu, though I feel this product has a bit of an identity crisis. One on hand it’s advertised as a dessert topping on their main site yet the bottle specifically notes it’s for “plate decorating”
Vanilla Plate Scapers consists of:
Corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, nonfat milk, fructose, glycerin, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil (soybean and cottonseed oil), salt, carrageenan, natural and artificial flavor, potassium sorbate added as a preservative, titanium dioxide added for color, sodium citrate, disodium phosphate, locust bean gum, soy lecithin.
It’s as delicious as it sounds.
Despite my displeasure with the taste (a delightful mix of chemicals, corn syrup, oil and a hint of dairy), the real test was to gauge how good this stuff could scape my bare plate.
I’ll think I’ll stick to leaving my plates…unscaped. Saves me some time washing the dishes too.