Kids these days have a lot to watch out for. Drinking, drugs, gangs, junk food, Rebecca Black music videos. So I can applaud a company that wants to create a delicious, sugar-free alternative to the normal Snickers and Skittles candy fare in the attempts to curb the childhood obesity epidemic. Innovative Candy Concepts, makers of Too Tarts Melted Ice Cream Spray Candy, had the right idea when they wanted to create a sugar-free spray candy but I’m don’t think it’s the best execution. In the 2007 press release announcing the product, the ICC president and CEO states, “Ice cream just seems to taste better when it’s melted”. I respectfully have to disagree. If melted ice cream were better than its naturally frozen form, they’re be tubs and tubes of melted ice cream sloshing on grocery store shelves. I’m also kind of iffy on the concept of spraying a Splenda sweetened, syrupy liquid into my mouth and calling it “candy”, just like I’m hesitant about pepper spray blasting into my eyes and calling it “caliente eye drops”.
Nevertheless, I picked up all three flavors of Melted Ice Cream Candy – Strawberry, Blueberry and Banana Split, each for 99 cents each. In the mindset of keeping kids safe, it’s somewhat unfortunate that this product looks very similar to fume-filled magic markers that kids should stay away from, lest they catch a whiff and become drug-addled maniacs. Half of the items in our featured picture are actually markers. We just wanted to point out the similarity (don’t do drugs kids).
I tried the strawberry flavor first. Couldn’t be too hard to pull off, right? My tongue was hit with a chemical-tasting, extremely artificial hit of vaguely strawberry tasting liquid, with no hint of the “cream” part of the ice cream. I had the same exact experience with the blueberry flavor. I don’t even recall blueberry ice cream ever mass marketed by one of the major ice cream companies, but if so, this would be a poor imitation of it. The last time I recall having a banana split was at 2am at a Denny’s with my dad, so I hoped the final flavor would rekindle fond memories of smoky, depressing bar counter but no such luck. Actually, it reminded me exactly of a liquid form of banana Runts. If you’re one of the people who crave that artificial banana flavor, you’re in luck – now you have the ability to spray that concentrated flavor directly into your mouth.
I truly wish this could have been a delicious, sugar-free alternative to my weekly gallon of semi-melted Breyers as I watch America’s Next Top Model, but sadly, no such luck. I’ll just continue to consume my Splenda in less exciting ways like soda.