Ben’s Take: I’ve always wanted to take my sweetheart on a romantic picnic with wine, cheese and fine crackers, but I’ve never known how to present the cheese and wine to my love. Should I get some Kraft Handi-Snacks and a bottle of Arbor Mist to complete our romantic picnic? Heck no! I’ve got standards and I’m not going to woo my lovely lady with those children’s snacks! No, I’ve gone the extra mile and bought WisPride Lite Port Wine Spreadable Cheese to go with our ever so buttery and decadent Ritz Crackers. Plus we can eat more spreadable cheese product with port wine and crackers because it’s lite!
Unfortunately to my pallet, this combination of a ‘lite’ spreadable cheese product with ‘port wine’ ends up tasting exactly like how I would expect Kraft Easy Cheese and Hawaiian Punch would taste if a product developer went absolutely mad convinced Kraft to market a Kraft Easy Cheese with Hawaiian Punch flavored aerosol cheese product. In other words, it is the worst product fusion I could possibly think of. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m down with something like Easy Cheese and Hawaiian Punch, but those are two flavors that just don’t need to coexist on one cracker. It’s just gross.
Why the fine people of Wisconsin have come up with a port wine cheese spread is beyond me. Maybe their taste buds are different over there, but this stuff just isn’t right.
Marisa’s Take: Like my co-writer mentioned above, Valentine’s Day is coming up, meaning it’s a chance for all guys in relationships to redeem themselves for every thing they’ve screwed up so far. Chocolates will be flying off the shelves, roses plucked from grocery store floral displays, but no Valentine’s Day would be complete without that special romantic meal.
But who has time to prepare a homemade gourmet dinner these days? Lots of couples will just go out to eat or pop something into the microwave, but why not go all out? WisPride Lite Port Wine Cheese provides the luxury of a snobby wine & cheese experience (the ingredients list assures me that the cheddar cheese has been “aged over 9 months”) with the portability & convenience of a plastic tub. Spread some on a cracker of your choice (perhaps something fancier than a saltine) and seductively hand-feed some to your significant other in front of a roaring fireplace (Duralogs will do) whilst laying on a (faux) bear fur rug.
But wait, there’s more! WisPride only has 70 calories per 2 tablespoons (thanks in part to the whey protein/fat substitute Simplesse®), so rest assured ladies, it won’t go straight to your thighs. Sadly, I can’t really get past the unnatural failed goldenrod-maroon tie-dye coloring of the product. I had hoped the coloring came from the port wine instead of carmine, blue 2 and red 40. I really didn’t care for the taste. At first bite, it’s a standard cheddar cheese based spread but then the twinge and sugar of the port wine settles in. It also kind of felt like modeling clay in my mouth. I think I’ll stick my my snooty $5 per gram cheese.