Although inspired in part by a true incident, the following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.
Obligatory sound effect to put you in the mood
TRIAL PART 33
MONDAY, JUNE 23
(Courtroom. Judge is presiding. Attorney is presenting.)
Attorney:
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I’m here today to present the case that this dried meat product violated my client’s right to choose her food blog review candidates and in fact, dared her to try it.
Now as someone who runs a site called “Clearance Cuisine”, one would assume that I’m probably extreme couponer, but I’m actually a sucker for in-store and online contests. This also saves me from scissor-induced Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and aggravating grocery store cashiers on a daily basis. Not wanting to pass up a chance at winning something, I ended up playing an instant win game on the Stouffer’s Facebook page back in February, and hey, I happened to win a free frozen meal (well, a coupon for one that arrived a couple of months later).
Marisa,
We’re happy to let you know that you’re a winner in the STOUFFER’S Stuffed Melt and Soup Match ‘Em Up promotion! You’ve won a coupon good for a free stuffed melt and soup combo, which has an approximate retail value of $3.69. Congratulations! There’s nothing you need to do except look for your prize within 8-10 weeks.
After getting the coupon in the mail, I picked up the meal on a shopping trip with my dad to the local military commissary (hooray for dependent benefits) in March and it’s been aging nicely in the freezer since. Read the rest of this entry »
Now, I don’t know if someone else has done a combination pack of Ritz Bitz cracker sandwiches and mediocre meat, but I can tell you that it’s not special. At all. I mean they’re both two fairly unremarkable products. Buttery crackers with shelf-stable cheese and oily shelf-stable meat. Nothing special there. There’s also nothing particularly special about pairing meat with crackers with cheese. Heck, throw in a little juice box of boxed wine, and you’d have an all-American take on a French classic.
Oscar Mayer’s Snack Combos (not to be confused with Combos Snacks, a snack which everyone seems to love to hate) are one of the newest additions to the processed meat producer’s line-up. Along with its other preserved Oscar Mayer patrons like shelf-stable Fully Cooked Ready-to-Serve Bacon and infamous “instant children’s meals” Lunchables, this is a product that you can ensure will stay unspoiled indefinitely. (Note: I bought and consumed this product several weeks ago, so please disregard the “Use By” date. I usually disregard them anyway.) Read the rest of this entry »
Brand choices for preserved and processed meat sticks around here seem to be somewhat limited. Off the top of my head, I can think of local Seattle favorite Oh Boy! Oberto, Slim Jim, Jack Links and maybe some gas station varieties you’d never admit to eating while coherent or sober. It gets even more crazy when you bring in a product like cheese, which in my mind is a food that is always meant to be refrigerated. And people, this here isn’t just a regular beef stick. This is steak, it’s like a freakin’ vacuum-packed filet mignon for fifty cents.
Oh Boy! Oberto’s newest campaign uses the slogan “Eat Like An Alpha” but if your diet consists primarily of MSG meat sticks, you probably won’t be leading the pack (maybe in your World of Warcraft raid). This coming from a person who’s probably eaten a metric ton of beef jerky and spent collective days in front of a computer with glazed over eyes and my trusty headset microphone. Read the rest of this entry »
How often do you see a product on grocery shelves that contains ingredients like salivary glands, cheek and lymph nodes AND actually admits it on the packaging (I’m looks at you, McDonald’s and Taco Bell)? Finally we’ve got some honest food labeling, brought to us in the form of pork chorizo. If you’re not familiar with the concept of chorizo, it’s a ground pork (sometimes beef) sausage combined with spices and sold raw in a tube. Disclaimer: I’ve only had chorizo once before, and it was hippy-dippy Trader Joe’s soy chorizo, so I really don’t have a “refined palate” (though that’s kind of a given) when it comes to this product. I don’t even know if I prepared it correctly. My internal organs are still functioning somewhat normally, so I’ll assume so.
I stood in front of the foreign refrigerated section in Saar’s Marketplace trying to figure out the difference between Cacique and Ranchero brand chorizo (and deciding between beef and pork). I ended up picking the Ranchero brand since it had a soccer ball on the wrapper (turns out they’re a “proud sponsor of the Mexican National Soccer team”). Olé! Read the rest of this entry »
Musings about food from January 2011 – June 2013
Click “Past Reviews” at top to see an alphabetical list.
Eight Reasons You Shouldn’t Rely on Me for Food Reviews
I always hesitate to call this a food review blog. I believe the taste, enjoyment and pleasure of pretty much all foods is quite subjective. Until someone (Webster’s dictionary or otherwise) develops a word for the antithesis of a foodie, epicure, bon vivant or gastronome, I generally place myself into a category of people who can eat, enjoy or tolerate pretty much anything (I’d say human garbage disposal, but that doesn’t look professional on a business card).
My approach is simple. Find discounted food/drink and just write about it – whether a food is foreign, vegan, meant for children, etc. I could care less if a candy has high fructose corn syrup, agave nectar, Splenda or otherwise, but if it has amusing packaging or an insane marketing campaign, you bet I’m gonna write about it. This blog has one mission: finding cheap food, make the most of my 99 cents and having a fun time doing it.