Although inspired in part by a true incident, the following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.
Obligatory sound effect to put you in the mood
TRIAL PART 33
MONDAY, JUNE 23
(Courtroom. Judge is presiding. Attorney is presenting.)
Attorney:
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I’m here today to present the case that this dried meat product violated my client’s right to choose her food blog review candidates and in fact, dared her to try it.
*The following conversation may be fictionalized for dramatic effect*
Recently, a friend asked me what what encourage me to blog more (coincidentally in the grocery store aisle). Sensing a bribe approaching, I replied:
“Make me quit my 9-to-5 overtime-eligible job and I swear to you, I will write twenty new blog posts a day, on topics I have yet to determine at this time.”
I grabbed an unsuspecting item from the dairy case, whipped my hair around in a fashion that L’Oreal (because I’m worth it) commercials would envy, and proclaimed, “This. This is the product that will rejuvenate my semi-humorous, grammatically incorrect food blogging career.”
And this, ladies and gentleman, is that product.
Even though Hawaii is the 13th best travel destination in the world according to “Traveleye.com” (which apparently has such an eye for travel that they ranked Orlando, Florida number on the list), I’ve never been there, partly due to the fact that I am a shut-in whose alabaster skin crisps like bacon at even the faintest hint of sunlight. Nevertheless, as a food adventurer, I’m always looking to broaden my culinary horizons and venture across the Pacific to my neighbors in the west.
I started where any typical American tourist would go: The FAQ page of the Hawaii Tourism Authority website. Read the rest of this entry »
America is all about recreating food into the most easily eatable forms. May I draw your attention to Easy Cheese, Wrigley’s Extra Dessert Delights Gum and of course, KFC’s Double Down. However, the product I’ll be reviewing this weekend is a little red-lidded jar that comes to us all the way from Belgium. Spoiler Alert: This, my friends, is creamy sugary delicious in spread form (no offense Nutella). This is Biscoff Cookie Spread.
As many products that originate in foreign lands, I was initially unaware of what Biscoff actually was before purchasing this product. They’re a small cookie that features sweet blend of cinnamon and caramel flavor that are great with coffee and let you sip and extend your pinky in proper sipping fashion. Now take that a step further: this spread is literally pulverized cookies in spreadable form so you can forget about even using those jaw muscles you have and the arduous task of eating cookies one bite at a time. The label/jar even suggest the truly outrageous idea of dipping a Biscoff cookie into Biscoff spread for a Biscoff explosion of flavor. Read the rest of this entry »
Meh, I ingest enough chemicals as it is.
Ah, novelty sweets – not so much about the candy but the plastic/colorized/motorized container it’s in. From the ever illustrious Ring Pop to the classic Batman spin pop (because what’s more intimidating that the Dark Knight with a giant pink lollipop whirling around above his head), you’re essentially paying for the packaging over the pop. Hence, I had no qualms over dropped 50 cents on a set of suckers that are literally supported by a plastic tube filled with glowing chemicals. Read the rest of this entry »
Musings about food from January 2011 – June 2013
Click “Past Reviews” at top to see an alphabetical list.
Eight Reasons You Shouldn’t Rely on Me for Food Reviews
I always hesitate to call this a food review blog. I believe the taste, enjoyment and pleasure of pretty much all foods is quite subjective. Until someone (Webster’s dictionary or otherwise) develops a word for the antithesis of a foodie, epicure, bon vivant or gastronome, I generally place myself into a category of people who can eat, enjoy or tolerate pretty much anything (I’d say human garbage disposal, but that doesn’t look professional on a business card).
My approach is simple. Find discounted food/drink and just write about it – whether a food is foreign, vegan, meant for children, etc. I could care less if a candy has high fructose corn syrup, agave nectar, Splenda or otherwise, but if it has amusing packaging or an insane marketing campaign, you bet I’m gonna write about it. This blog has one mission: finding cheap food, make the most of my 99 cents and having a fun time doing it.