Although inspired in part by a true incident, the following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.
Obligatory sound effect to put you in the mood
TRIAL PART 33
MONDAY, JUNE 23
(Courtroom. Judge is presiding. Attorney is presenting.)
Attorney:
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I’m here today to present the case that this dried meat product violated my client’s right to choose her food blog review candidates and in fact, dared her to try it.
How often do you see a product on grocery shelves that contains ingredients like salivary glands, cheek and lymph nodes AND actually admits it on the packaging (I’m looks at you, McDonald’s and Taco Bell)? Finally we’ve got some honest food labeling, brought to us in the form of pork chorizo. If you’re not familiar with the concept of chorizo, it’s a ground pork (sometimes beef) sausage combined with spices and sold raw in a tube. Disclaimer: I’ve only had chorizo once before, and it was hippy-dippy Trader Joe’s soy chorizo, so I really don’t have a “refined palate” (though that’s kind of a given) when it comes to this product. I don’t even know if I prepared it correctly. My internal organs are still functioning somewhat normally, so I’ll assume so.
I stood in front of the foreign refrigerated section in Saar’s Marketplace trying to figure out the difference between Cacique and Ranchero brand chorizo (and deciding between beef and pork). I ended up picking the Ranchero brand since it had a soccer ball on the wrapper (turns out they’re a “proud sponsor of the Mexican National Soccer team”). Olé! Read the rest of this entry »
]When I graduated college, I got to sit in a huge crowd of starry-eyed young adults just like myself. We heard inspirational speeches from past graduates and business owners and chatted amongst ourselves about our aspirational plans for the future (for the story’s sake, forget anything about our current unemployment rates). I even got to shake hands with the college president.
Unfortunately, when these chickens graduate, they don’t get degrees – they become cutlets and ground chicken and sausages. Though in this economy, is that preferable to tackling post-college employment prospects? Read the rest of this entry »
The latter half of this decade seems to be the era of the Chipotle (I wish I was born in the year of the chipotle, I got stuck with a dragon). Chipotle burger, chipotle potato chips, chipotle snack wraps, the list goes on. I bet the average person wouldn’t even know that a “chipotle” is not a distinct variety of pepper, it is simply a smoked jalapeño.
A quick trip to the Corn Nuts official website confirmed that the Chorizo Chipotle flavor is no longer listed, but currently there’s other South of the Border-style flavors “Caliente” and “Chili Picante” (aren’t those kind of the same thing?)
I vividly remember frequently buying 1.7 oz bags (75 cents each!) of Corn Nuts in middle school and eating them right before class started. Unfortunately, I leaned toward the most aromatic flavor, BBQ. I recall one of my classmates looking around and exclaiming, “Ugh, what smells like BARBEQUE?” and then awkwardly trying to hide the bag under my desk. Read the rest of this entry »
Musings about food from January 2011 – June 2013
Click “Past Reviews” at top to see an alphabetical list.
Eight Reasons You Shouldn’t Rely on Me for Food Reviews
I always hesitate to call this a food review blog. I believe the taste, enjoyment and pleasure of pretty much all foods is quite subjective. Until someone (Webster’s dictionary or otherwise) develops a word for the antithesis of a foodie, epicure, bon vivant or gastronome, I generally place myself into a category of people who can eat, enjoy or tolerate pretty much anything (I’d say human garbage disposal, but that doesn’t look professional on a business card).
My approach is simple. Find discounted food/drink and just write about it – whether a food is foreign, vegan, meant for children, etc. I could care less if a candy has high fructose corn syrup, agave nectar, Splenda or otherwise, but if it has amusing packaging or an insane marketing campaign, you bet I’m gonna write about it. This blog has one mission: finding cheap food, make the most of my 99 cents and having a fun time doing it.